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Whoa i like your e4babae4babae9ƒbde6œ‰e7š„e6œbae4bcšefbcŒe6Ÿ90e4ba›e4babae4b8bbe5Ša8e6”bee5bcƒe4ba† | Hello world ,...
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Featured Article

September 17, 2014

Marking Milestones


.

We are hardwired to mark milestones in our lives by celebrating. We mark a child’s first photo, first haircut, first solid food, first day at school, first birthday, first everything with fanfare.

 

Then as we get older, we become ambivalent about celebrations. Maybe it’s due to the costs involved, or loss of interest, or the need to feel younger. Consider these: Do you remember when you went steady with your boyfriend? You celebrated every month and even coined a term “monthsary” (This term gives me the shrivels. It sounds awkward, but I admit we did this ritual too, we just didn’t call it that way.) Then years after you get married and you reach your 10th, 20th, 25th, 30th, 40th and so on, and you (especially the husbands) refuse to celebrate. Husbands usually say, “Huh! You want me to make the same mistake again?” Not so funny. Then of course, for the aging woman, the birthday celebration becomes a big question, “Should I still celebrate and announce to the whole world how old I am?”

 

I must have prepared for and hosted over a hundred parties in my life, ranging from very simple family gatherings to elaborate weddings. The number sounds astounding but I just did the math on the annual birthday celebrations of our immediate family members and other major causes for celebration and that’s the number. Go, try it yourself.

 

From an economic point of view, celebrations might not be very practical but somehow, this Ilocana has always found the value of celebrating milestone events. It doesn’t have to be costly all the time. It should always be “liquidity-appropriate” - i.e. what you can afford without sacrificing needs. Sometimes the smaller the budget, the more creative you get. I devoted a discussion on how we celebrated the boys’ birthdays economically and creatively in my first book.

 

But honestly, there’s also a part of preparing for a party that’s not enjoyable. There’s a huge room for improvement on how Filipinos respond to RSVP. I have a friend whose children’s parties are so well prepared that we troop all the way to Alabang to witness them. When I complimented her party and beautiful invite, she shared, “When the printer said, ‘Ma’am you forgot to put RSVP, but there’s no more space.’ I said, ‘Ay naku, nobody observes RSVP in the Philippines, I won’t let that ruin my invitation’s design.’ Let it be!”

 

There’s also something I’m queasy about when it’s my birthday that I’m preparing for. I feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable because it’s like calling attention to myself. I’ve expressed this a few times to my husband and he tries his best to do something about it. But maybe because we all have roles in the family to play (and this is not necessarily his), he’s not so confident doing it without my input. There was only one time he tried to give me a surprise birthday party – maybe over 20 years ago, and I found out about it. After that he said, “You’re really better than me when it comes to planning parties, Honey.” But he’s okay with simple birthday parties with family and a few friends. He just sends text messages to both the guests and the food provider and voila! It’s a party!

 

 

My Golden

I’m celebrating my 50th birthday. Fifty, by any measure, is old. That’s why Gold rhymes with Old! It crossed my mind not to celebrate it because I still have what I call a SilverHangover from last month’s wedding anniversary. It was the most beautiful and meaningful celebration I’ve ever had that I needed time to come down from Cloud 9.

 

When my sons learned that I considered not celebrating, they were the first to say, “But Ma, you always say we need to mark our milestones. Fifty is a great milestone!”

 

So here I am preparing for my milestone birthday, again feeling uncomfortable that’s why I have to remind myself why it’s important to celebrate milestones.

 

1. A few years ago, I heard from an author being interviewed by Oprah that one of the causes of midlife crisis is our inability to mark milestones. She said that men who fail to mark their milestone might resort to womanizing and some dangerous sports, while women might get into depression. I don’t remember the author’s name but her message left an indelible mark. I found a confirmation or a happy justification for my penchant for family milestone celebrations.

 

2. Marking milestones gives us the opportunity, or maybe forces us, to assess our past. What have we done in the past? Have they been all worthwhile years? Did we learn our lessons well? Given our goals, where are we now?

 

3. The continuation of the previous point is to ask ourselves the question so what do we do now? Charles Schwab has a very interesting book entitled You’re Fifty, Now What? that outlines what to do from this age forward, primarily with your investments and also about your life in general.

 

4. In our life journey, we are only certain about our starting point, our birthday, but not our finish line. Nobody knows when that is coming. But we do know that each time we add a candle to our cake, we get closer to our finish line. Celebrating our milestone reminds us to prepare for our finish line.

 

5. It’s an opportunity to honor ourselves. This sounds too self-centered and this is probably the reason why I’m uncomfortable preparing for my own birthday party. But do you know that we need to honor ourselves, especially during transitions? I am at a transition. I’m going to join the ranks of the Golden Girls. Gosh! To those who are old enough to have watched that sitcom, they really looked old. Incidentally, one of the main characters was Rose. They say transition is difficult because of the element of unknown and this is the time when we need the support and cheer from our loved ones.

 

6. The biggest reason why I opt to celebrate is that I’ve always considered celebrations my act of thanksgiving. I may be old but I am not complaining, not one bit, because I have a lot to be thankful for: from the most profound reason of having always felt His blessings, incredibly wonderful family, marriage, great sons, old and new friends, to the most mundane (but maybe not) gift of not having changed my dress size. Yes I’m thankful for all these.  

 

7. I’m thankful for my newfound role of sharing what I know with others. I am overwhelmed by the wonderful, sometimes glowing, feedback I get from those who have been touched by my books, articles and talks. This is the reason why for this Golden Birthday celebration, I wish to meet some of you personally. If you’d be free on September 28, 2014 Sunday at 3pm,...

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.

We are hardwired to mark milestones in our lives by celebrating. We mark a child’s first photo, first haircut, first solid food, first day at school, first birthday, first everything with fanfare.

 

Then as we get older, we become ambivalent about celebrations. Maybe it’s due to the costs involved, or loss of interest, or the need to feel younger. Consider these: Do you remember when you went steady with your boyfriend? You celebrated every month and even coined a term “monthsary” (This term gives me the shrivels. It sounds awkward, but I admit we did this ritual too, we just didn’t call it that way.) Then years after you get married and you reach your 10th, 20th, 25th, 30th, 40th and so on, and you (especially the husbands) refuse to celebrate. Husbands usually say, “Huh! You want me to make the same mistake again?” Not so funny. Then of course, for the aging woman, the birthday celebration becomes a big question, “Should I still celebrate and announce to the whole world how old I am?”

 

I must have prepared for and hosted over a hundred parties in my life, ranging from very simple family gatherings to elaborate weddings. The number sounds astounding but I just did the math on the annual birthday celebrations of our immediate family members and other major causes for celebration and that’s the number. Go, try it yourself.

 

From an economic point of view, celebrations might not be very practical but somehow, this Ilocana has always found the value of celebrating milestone events. It doesn’t have to be costly all the time. It should always be “liquidity-appropriate” - i.e. what you can afford without sacrificing needs. Sometimes the smaller the budget, the more creative you get. I devoted a discussion on how we celebrated the boys’ birthdays economically and creatively in my first book.

 

But honestly, there’s also a part of preparing for a party that’s not enjoyable. There’s a huge room for improvement on how Filipinos respond to RSVP. I have a friend whose children’s parties are so well prepared that we troop all the way to Alabang to witness them. When I complimented her party and beautiful invite, she shared, “When the printer said, ‘Ma’am you forgot to put RSVP, but there’s no more space.’ I said, ‘Ay naku, nobody observes RSVP in the Philippines, I won’t let that ruin my invitation’s design.’ Let it be!”

 

There’s also something I’m queasy about when it’s my birthday that I’m preparing for. I feel a bit awkward and uncomfortable because it’s like calling attention to myself. I’ve expressed this a few times to my husband and he tries his best to do something about it. But maybe because we all have roles in the family to play (and this is not necessarily his), he’s not so confident doing it without my input. There was only one time he tried to give me a surprise birthday party – maybe over 20 years ago, and I found out about it. After that he said, “You’re really better than me when it comes to planning parties, Honey.” But he’s okay with simple birthday parties with family and a few friends. He just sends text messages to both the guests and the food provider and voila! It’s a party!

 

 

My Golden

I’m celebrating my 50th birthday. Fifty, by any measure, is old. That’s why Gold rhymes with Old! It crossed my mind not to celebrate it because I still have what I call a SilverHangover from last month’s wedding anniversary. It was the most beautiful and meaningful celebration I’ve ever had that I needed time to come down from Cloud 9.

 

When my sons learned that I considered not celebrating, they were the first to say, “But Ma, you always say we need to mark our milestones. Fifty is a great milestone!”

 

So here I am preparing for my milestone birthday, again feeling uncomfortable that’s why I have to remind myself why it’s important to celebrate milestones.

 

1. A few years ago, I heard from an author being interviewed by Oprah that one of the causes of midlife crisis is our inability to mark milestones. She said that men who fail to mark their milestone might resort to womanizing and some dangerous sports, while women might get into depression. I don’t remember the author’s name but her message left an indelible mark. I found a confirmation or a happy justification for my penchant for family milestone celebrations.

 

2. Marking milestones gives us the opportunity, or maybe forces us, to assess our past. What have we done in the past? Have they been all worthwhile years? Did we learn our lessons well? Given our goals, where are we now?

 

3. The continuation of the previous point is to ask ourselves the question so what do we do now? Charles Schwab has a very interesting book entitled You’re Fifty, Now What? that outlines what to do from this age forward, primarily with your investments and also about your life in general.

 

4. In our life journey, we are only certain about our starting point, our birthday, but not our finish line. Nobody knows when that is coming. But we do know that each time we add a candle to our cake, we get closer to our finish line. Celebrating our milestone reminds us to prepare for our finish line.

 

5. It’s an opportunity to honor ourselves. This sounds too self-centered and this is probably the reason why I’m uncomfortable preparing for my own birthday party. But do you know that we need to honor ourselves, especially during transitions? I am at a transition. I’m going to join the ranks of the Golden Girls. Gosh! To those who are old enough to have watched that sitcom, they really looked old. Incidentally, one of the main characters was Rose. They say transition is difficult because of the element of unknown and this is the time when we need the support and cheer from our loved ones.

 

6. The biggest reason why I opt to celebrate is that I’ve always considered celebrations my act of thanksgiving. I may be old but I am not complaining, not one bit, because I have a lot to be thankful for: from the most profound reason of having always felt His blessings, incredibly wonderful family, marriage, great sons, old and new friends, to the most mundane (but maybe not) gift of not having changed my dress size. Yes I’m thankful for all these.  

 

7. I’m thankful for my newfound role of sharing what I know with others. I am overwhelmed by the wonderful, sometimes glowing, feedback I get from those who have been touched by my books, articles and talks. This is the reason why for this Golden Birthday celebration, I wish to meet some of you personally. If you’d be free on September 28, 2014 Sunday at 3pm, email me your story at FQMomm@gmail.com and tell me how you’ve been touched by any of my books, articles, talks. I have allotted some slots for you in my milestone celebration.

 

 

One last thing, all these years I’ve observed this Oprah quote to be true, "The more you praise and celebrate life, the more there is to celebrate in life." This is a version of the famous quote from Buddha, “What you focus on grows.”  So to all my co-celebrators in September and to everyone turning gold this year, happy milestone birthday! Let’s celebrate with great cheers!

 

 

 

Thankfully yours,

 

Rose

 

 

 

(Rose Fres Fausto is the author of bestselling books Raising Pinoy Boys (download free book sample) and The Retelling of The Richest Man in Babylon (a story and activity book for kids from 1 to 92). Click this link to watch book trailer.

 

To read her other articles go to www.RaisingPinoyBoys.com or PhilStar.com Author Archive. Send your questions and comments via email to FQMomm@gmail.com.)

 

This article is also published in PhilStar.com.

 

Attribution:  Images taken from happilyunmarried.com modified and put together by the author to help deliver the message.


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YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED

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By Rose / Her Boys | The Community (Topic Thread)

By Rose / Her Boys

To Ask Rose or Her Boys a question go to the Ask Question Page.

Ghurl Vacaro Jul 18, 2013
Hi Ms. Rose, I read your articles in Philippine Star and I'm quite interested on your topics about financial literacy. I just turned 25 and currently working in Riyadh, I'd like to make my savings grow while I'm still young and single, can you give me advice on how or where is the wisest way to save or invest? Thanks a lot! God bless you!

Answered by Rose last Apr 23, 2014 / 02:41pm:

Hi Ghurl Vacaro. I hope you read my article that tackled your question. I'm happy to inform you that it received a lot of hits both in this website and PhilStar.com. It was also shared many times. This means that your question helped enlighten a lot of people. Here's the link: http://www.raisingpinoyboys.com/dashboard/showArticle/MTYy

Raymund Camat Nov 25, 2012
For the boys, will you also consider financial literacy as a quality that you will look for to your future gf/wife?

Answered by The Boys last Nov 30, 1999 / 12:00am:

It would be ideal if she were but it's not something we would really "require" so to speak because it's not very common. I guess as long as she's not too much of the "magastos" type because financial literacy is something that you could learn.

Guest Aug 30, 2011
Why the title "Raising Pinoy Boys?"? Its culture specific and middle class ideologue ..care to explain? thanks

Answered by Rose last Aug 31, 2011 / 09:33pm:

@Guest Aug 30, 2011. The title is Raising Pinoy Boys because it's a compilation of a mother raising her Pinoy sons. Yes it's culture specific and middle class because that's where I belong. In my over 2 decades of parenting I have always learned a lot from specific stories of book authors, parenting seminar speakers and even conversations with other parents and educators of boys. Thus, I thought it would be worthwhile to share my specific stories and those of the parents of the successful Pinoy men I featured in the book. Thank you very much for your question.

Guest Aug 10, 2011
Can we invite you to talk in our school during a parenting seminar?

Answered by Rose last Aug 10, 2011 / 09:19pm:

@Guest Aug 10, 2011 - Yes you may. I would be glad to. Just send me an email specifying your needs for the talk - the audience, the topic, etc. You may send your email to RaisingPinoyBoys@yahoo.com or through this website. Be sure to leave your name and email address. Thank you.

Guest May 15, 2011
du u know chris tiu?

Answered by Rose last May 27, 2011 / 11:39am:

I first heard of Chris Tiu when he became a UAAP basketball player of the Ateneo team. I learned about his other admirable traits later on and decided to include him in the book. Fortunately, his mom is a friend of my co-parent so I was able to interview her. He and his parents attended the book launch (see pics in a previous article on the book launch - Jan 2011).

The Community (Topic Thread)

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