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Featured Article

June 22, 2016

Father (Present or Absent?)


.

Last Sunday fathers took center stage on social media channels, mass and other Sunday services, perhaps even restaurants and a little of gift-shopping. Blessed are those who grew up with good fathers for they benefitted from that all-important presence of the head of the family.

Unfortunately, there is a growing number of children who are growing up with absent fathers due to any of the following:

  1. High incidence of broken marriages
  2. Fathers working away from home (e.g. OFW fathers)
  3. Non-marital childbearing (i.e. mothers who choose to do it on their own)
  4. No father parenting (i.e. two female partners choosing to raise children)

I will not discuss morality issues in this article. Neither will I denigrate the exemplary achievements of single moms who are able to raise their children well despite the absence of the father. I have loved ones, both family and friends, who are able to. Some might even argue that there seems to be no parenting role that a mother can’t play to raise great kids anymore. Nonetheless, numerous studies show significant disadvantages of not having a father while growing up.

In his book Fatherless America David Blankenhorn wrote:

Tonight, about 40% of children in the western world will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live. Before they reach the age of 18, more than half of our nation's children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers. Never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their fathers. Never before have so many children grown up without knowing what it means to have a father. Fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation (underscore mine). It is the leading cause of declining child wellbeing in our society. It is also the engine driving our most urgent social problems (in children...

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.

Last Sunday fathers took center stage on social media channels, mass and other Sunday services, perhaps even restaurants and a little of gift-shopping. Blessed are those who grew up with good fathers for they benefitted from that all-important presence of the head of the family.

Unfortunately, there is a growing number of children who are growing up with absent fathers due to any of the following:

  1. High incidence of broken marriages
  2. Fathers working away from home (e.g. OFW fathers)
  3. Non-marital childbearing (i.e. mothers who choose to do it on their own)
  4. No father parenting (i.e. two female partners choosing to raise children)

I will not discuss morality issues in this article. Neither will I denigrate the exemplary achievements of single moms who are able to raise their children well despite the absence of the father. I have loved ones, both family and friends, who are able to. Some might even argue that there seems to be no parenting role that a mother can’t play to raise great kids anymore. Nonetheless, numerous studies show significant disadvantages of not having a father while growing up.

In his book Fatherless America David Blankenhorn wrote:

Tonight, about 40% of children in the western world will go to sleep in homes in which their fathers do not live. Before they reach the age of 18, more than half of our nation's children are likely to spend at least a significant portion of their childhoods living apart from their fathers. Never before in this country have so many children been voluntarily abandoned by their fathers. Never before have so many children grown up without knowing what it means to have a father. Fatherlessness is the most harmful demographic trend of this generation (underscore mine). It is the leading cause of declining child wellbeing in our society. It is also the engine driving our most urgent social problems (in children and adults alike).... If this trend continues, fatherlessness is likely to change the shape of our society.”

This is a study in the US but it doesn’t seem any different from our situation. In fact, our OFW phenomenon even adds another cause to the absence of the Pinoy fathers. Instead of discussing from the perspective of the absence, I wish to point out the advantages children derive from having an active father.

For the Sake of the Son:
The most apparent advantage for a son growing up with a father is having a role model for masculinity and manhood  in general. The rough and tumble that boys need are an essential part of growing up. I remember the days when my sons would always ask their father to play 
rough games with themI didn’t like the sight because Marvin would literally throw them on the bed and either tickle them hard or throw mild punches while they kicked and punched him back, until somebody gets hurt due to falling or uncontrolled punching. Someone would cry momentarily but after a few seconds they would be back in the game. After getting tired of being a kill joy while they all enjoyed, I stopped watching this routine. I just left the room or got occupied with something else. I usually came back when they needed an ice pack! :( But to this day, rough games are special part of their childhood memories.

There is also a certain way of emotional expression and probably some guy code that only a father can effectively teach his son. There seems to be a more fun paternal way of disciplining a son, despite it being more stern. I saw this while they were growing up. They would respond to their father more quickly when being disciplined probably because they knew his swifter way of delivering the consequences of their action.

A son also responds very well to the modeling of his father when it comes to socialization, academic, athletic and risk-taking endeavors. The approval of the father also has a heavier weight when it comes to a son’s pursuit of excellence and achievement.

For the Sake of the Daughter:
While the rewards of a father’s presence benefits the son’s positive behavior, this same presence benefits the daughter’s positive emotional well being.

In a study quoted by Huffington Post in their article Teen Depression in Girls Linked to Absent Fathers in Early Childhood they found out that girls whose fathers were absent during the first five years of their life were more likely to develop depressive symptoms compared to their male counterparts.

If a son would follow how his father treats women, a daughter would imbibe a lot more from this. When she sees her mother being loved and respected by her father, she will see that as a peg for future relationships. Not only does her father provide a model for an ideal mate, he also affects her self-assessment. A healthy father and daughter bond is essential in the development of a healthy self-worth and self-esteem. The love and attention showered by a father to her daughter while growing up may spell the difference between a self-assured and an insecure adult woman.

So a good father is not only important for a daughter’s future marriage but also for her career and general well-being.

My sisters and I grew up seeing our father play sweetums with our mother. We saw him express his love with simple gifts and songs and declare to the world how smart his wife was. I think that made all four daughters turn into strong-willed women.

For the Sake of the Mother:
Consequently, an active father also makes it easier for the mother to perform her duties not just for the family but also for herself, as she is not alone in this challenging task of parenting. And as they say, “A happy wife is a happy life!” not just for the husband, but for the entire family.

For the Sake of the Son and Daughter:
In last Sunday’s 
The Feast celebration of Father’s Day held at the PICC, famous layman preacher Bo Sanchez said something powerful about the role of fathers. He said, “Fathers are the first image of who God is!” He said that for a child, his or her father is God’s 2x2 ID photo. If you are a loving father, your child’s image of God is a loving God. Your child’s first understanding of God does not come from priests and preachers, not even the bible, but from the father!

For the sake of the Society:
Given the powerful role that fathers play, and with all the radical changes going on in the dynamics of families, what do you think will happen to our society if we allow the absence of the father to continue its rise?

 

 ************************

I am thankful that my sisters, brother and I are blessed with our loving father Rufino who was always present while we were growing up and whose presence we continue to have because of his gift of long life. I am likewise thankful that my three sons enjoyed the active and fun presence of their father Marvin during their growing up years. They continue to be blessed by his loving and positive presence in their lives. As a tribute to their father, my sons Martin, Enrique and Anton performed a dance number for him and all the other fathers in the three Feasts by Bro. Bo Sanchez at the PICC. I wish to share with you the video of their dance and their message to their father. Click this link 

 

The series of workshops of Security Bank’s Smart Saver Kiddie Camp continues. Talk 5 will be at the Kiddopreneur at Shangri-la Mall on June 26, 2016. Watch out for the next schedules of this Workshop Series.

Poster

Rose Fres Fausto is the author of bestselling books Raising Pinoy Boys and The Retelling of The Richest Man in Babylon (English and Filipino versions). Click this link to read samples - Books of FQ Mom Rose Fres Fausto. She is the grand prize winner of the first Sinag Financial Literacy Digital Journalism Awards. Follow her on Facebook and You Tube as FQ Mom, and Twitter & Instagram as theFQMom. 

ATTRIBUTIONS: Image from freepik.com to help deliver the message of the article.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/15/teen-depression-in-girls-_n_3281871.html

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YOUR QUESTIONS ANSWERED

To start a topic thread and ask the Raising Pinoy Boys community a question, please Sign Up.

By Rose / Her Boys | The Community (Topic Thread)

By Rose / Her Boys

To Ask Rose or Her Boys a question go to the Ask Question Page.

Guest Aug 14, 2015
Hey Rose! Do you take sessions on Financial Literacy? If so, what do you cover in those sessions?
Guest Feb 02, 2015
Hi Ms. Rose, Were can i get the free download excel file to show kids how they can become millionaires with regular savings. Thanks

Answered by Rose last Feb 18, 2015 / 03:25pm:

Hi, it's on the right hand side under Chapter 6, go there and look for the link: http://www.raisingpinoyboys.com/book/chapter/NgRPBRPB/Q0hBUFRFUiA2IC0gTU9ORVkgTUFUVEVSUyAoT3VyIFNvbidzIEZRKQRPBRPB

Ghurl Vacaro Jul 18, 2013
Hi Ms. Rose, I read your articles in Philippine Star and I'm quite interested on your topics about financial literacy. I just turned 25 and currently working in Riyadh, I'd like to make my savings grow while I'm still young and single, can you give me advice on how or where is the wisest way to save or invest? Thanks a lot! God bless you!

Answered by Rose last Apr 23, 2014 / 02:41pm:

Hi Ghurl Vacaro. I hope you read my article that tackled your question. I'm happy to inform you that it received a lot of hits both in this website and PhilStar.com. It was also shared many times. This means that your question helped enlighten a lot of people. Here's the link: http://www.raisingpinoyboys.com/dashboard/showArticle/MTYy

Raymund Camat Nov 25, 2012
For the boys, will you also consider financial literacy as a quality that you will look for to your future gf/wife?

Answered by The Boys last Nov 30, 1999 / 12:00am:

It would be ideal if she were but it's not something we would really "require" so to speak because it's not very common. I guess as long as she's not too much of the "magastos" type because financial literacy is something that you could learn.

Guest Aug 30, 2011
Why the title "Raising Pinoy Boys?"? Its culture specific and middle class ideologue ..care to explain? thanks

Answered by Rose last Aug 31, 2011 / 09:33pm:

@Guest Aug 30, 2011. The title is Raising Pinoy Boys because it's a compilation of a mother raising her Pinoy sons. Yes it's culture specific and middle class because that's where I belong. In my over 2 decades of parenting I have always learned a lot from specific stories of book authors, parenting seminar speakers and even conversations with other parents and educators of boys. Thus, I thought it would be worthwhile to share my specific stories and those of the parents of the successful Pinoy men I featured in the book. Thank you very much for your question.

Guest Aug 10, 2011
Can we invite you to talk in our school during a parenting seminar?

Answered by Rose last Aug 10, 2011 / 09:19pm:

@Guest Aug 10, 2011 - Yes you may. I would be glad to. Just send me an email specifying your needs for the talk - the audience, the topic, etc. You may send your email to RaisingPinoyBoys@yahoo.com or through this website. Be sure to leave your name and email address. Thank you.

Guest May 15, 2011
du u know chris tiu?

Answered by Rose last May 27, 2011 / 11:39am:

I first heard of Chris Tiu when he became a UAAP basketball player of the Ateneo team. I learned about his other admirable traits later on and decided to include him in the book. Fortunately, his mom is a friend of my co-parent so I was able to interview her. He and his parents attended the book launch (see pics in a previous article on the book launch - Jan 2011).

The Community (Topic Thread)

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alex li - Air max 2014 cheap Jan 13, 2015
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